


Hope and fear

by flashwitch



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22509733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashwitch/pseuds/flashwitch
Summary: Martin isn't stupid. He's never been stupid. But you could maybe call him naive.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Hope and fear

Martin had a theory.

It was a secret theory, between him and himself and possibly Jon if Jon did the mind reading thing. Well, possibly Elias too in that case. but somehow he didn’t think Elias paid that much attention to him. And at the moment he was too busy driving Jon away to worry about what he might See.

And this theory… it might be stupid. It was definitely naive. But Martin chose to believe it anyway.

See, the thing is… the thing is, right, is that he knows that everyone involved in this nonsense believed that the Fears were the only entities. And they probably know better than him. Most of them have been involved in this mess since before he was born. But the thing is that isn’t that what an eldritch Fear entity would want you to believe? Wouldn’t they want people to be scared? And what’s more scary than believing that you are alone in an uncaring universe with everything that ever gave you nightmares as a kid?

So, he has a theory. There are other things out there. Good things. Kind things. Things that lurk out in the night and just want to help. But they are drowned out. Fear is powerful, especially in this day and age. And people aren’t looking for the good things. Or, they can’t see them for the fear. And maybe - and this is the part he is least sure about - maybe there are avatars out there. Avatars of chocolate, or puppies or the concept of love. Avatars spreading the feeling of seeing a baby highland cow in a field of flowers. Avatars with the power of the warm hug.

And he knows how it sounds, OK? He knows it’s childish and silly and probably not true. But he can’t help thinking about it.

Would there be direct counterparts? The avatar of loneliness versus the avatar of friendship? What would that look like? He tries to picture it, but all he can imagine is Peter Lukas being given the Care Bear Stare by Friend Bear, which is just wrong. The Vast versus The Cosy. The Eye versus…

What’s the opposite of beholding?

He thinks for a while and he can’t quite picture it. He is about to move on, when a small voice in the back of his head says ‘being seen’.

And that’s…. that seems right. There’s a difference in being _watched_ and being _seen._ He has been watched a lot in his life, but he doesn’t think he’s ever truly been seen. Been noticed and acknowledged and understood in a single glance.

He thinks about it more than he should. It becomes something of a touchstone. When the loneliness gets too much, when he starts to doubt himself, he thinks about the other side of the coin. He thinks about a young person, different every time but usually wearing something warm and soft, sitting in an office much like his. Except the light is warm and the walls and floor and ceiling are clean and there is a plant on the desk in a yellow pot. And the person is smiling and their cheeks are rosy. This time they have freckles across the bridge of their nose and they are _happy_. The joy emanates from them the same way that the feeling of looming watchfulness exudes from Jon. The paperwork on their desk is chaotic, but somehow not messy. There is a tape recorder sitting on top of a stack and sometimes Martin imagines their colleagues coming in and pulling them to their feet. ‘You can’t save the world in a day’ they might say or ‘well done on the statements of awesome encounters’ or ‘good work today, you rescued so many kittens with the power of your mind’ (he isn’t really clear on what the good avatars would do exactly, but it’s fun to think about).

He doesn’t tell anyone. It’s not something that people need to know. When he thinks about talking about it, about spreading the idea that they are not alone (and if enough people believe it, would that create something? He’s not sure), but when he thinks about it, he feels vaguely nauseas and kind of like he stripped naked in the middle of the office.

He’s not ashamed of having hope. He’s not. But it’s not the kind of thing he can talk about, not right now.

It is something he needs tough. Just that little voice saying ‘What if….’ Is what’s getting him through the day right now.

He isn’t sure what would happen if he stopped listening to it.


End file.
